When creating close emotional relationships with other people – with our family, friends or love partners, in certain situations, we open the way to the possibility of experiencing their actions as hurtful. In other words, every relationship with other being, brings the risk of feeling hurt or grievance for one or both persons.
Why does the person feel hurt?
hen we feel close to someone, we expect that person to respect us, not to reject or criticize us, nor to betray us in any sense. However, the interpretation of some action of the other person as disrespect, rejection, criticism or betrayal can bring us the feeling of grievance, The strong wish that the person be fair to us and treat us respectively can sometimes be very demanding. If we have the belief:
“My partner mustn’t have betrayed me! I don’t deserve that. And since he betrayed me, it is unbearable, and I am worthless person”
Then we captivate ourselves in tears and feeling of hurt that can last for days, weeks and even months and years.
Since the feeling of hurt is unhealthy negative emotion, when we feel it, we behave unhealthy for us and people whom we feel close. For example: we terminate communication, criticize the other person, but also feel sorry for ourselves because of the unjustified and undeserved action of the other person. In this way we don’t face with the situation and move on with our lives but stay focused on and constantly go back to the reason of our grievance. Life like this can be very heavy and can lead to the development of depression, anxiety and other mental non functional states.
You have right to feel being hurt but…
Every one has the choice. We can choose to feel being hurt till the end of our lives and “mourn” about the action of the other person, or we can perceive the situation from the other point of view. By accepting the fact that everyone had the right to make a mistake and accidently (or even deliberately) do some unjust action toward us, we bring the relief to ourselves. In other words, we think in a much more rational and useful way if we accept the following:
„Although I don’t like what my partner did, it doesn’t mean that he mustn’t do that. He has the right to do it. Although it is hardly bearable, I can bear what he did. Also, the fact that he betrayed me doesn’t make me a worthless person”
Instead of feeling hurt, tears, breakage of communication, we feel disappointment in the unjust action of our loving person and we are ready to talk with her and rationally bring the decision on the next step in our relationship-
If despite this text you still struggle to overcome the feeling of being hurt, I advise you to talk with professional who can teach you the techniques of overcoming this heavy feeling.
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